she got me bloggin'.

Yeah. Hi. It's another day of holiday and i'm well, doing nothing productive. Go Figures. I decided to go through my friend's pages on facebook and I stumbled upon someone's page, a girl. A friend, or that's what I call her. Hmm. So yeah, I was on stalking mode and well let's just say I did what I do best aite.

I was going through her pages and read her wall posts and statuses, from the first moment I read her most current status I knew what she meant and for whom. It got me thinking. Am I the middle person here? As in, I mean I knew that she was in love with the same person I was. I didn't ask or even thought of competing with her, she did. Was I even in the fight? I'm confused like fck here. Recently her status are about moving on and letting go or something like that. Haih, I know how she's feeling man. It hurts not being loved back, I don't blame her. Yelah, hati dan perasaan kan? Siapa boleh kawal perasaan sayang tu kan. Sometimes it just comes naturally. That's the sucky part in love. Double sigh sigh.

Question is, am I hurting her? Come on, I'm praaaying i'm not. Not even the slightest bit. I've felt what she's feeling now, this void, this hurt. I don't want to be the cause that inflict this pain to others, I loath myself if I did or do someday. Should I back away from my love and let the space between us be the ways to bloom something between them? Or should I just stay with what I always wanted, him? Gosh, the longer I stay with him, the more things I'm learning. Lagi banyak cabaran and dugaan we'll have to face. Well, whoever said life was easy, he's a liar. Ini belum lagi official. Kalau dah official ni, wallahualam. To HIM, I seek strength and guidance.

#nowplaying Backstreet Boys - More Than That

Re-quote.

It hurts to love someone when we can’t tell them what we really feel because sometimes we get hurt without them knowing. We get jealous even if we have no right to feel that way. We want their time even if we are not in the position to demand for it. Although our hearts are breaking in silence, we still continue to love them because somehow in this hurtful love there is still hope of having simple moments with them even if it means being just a friend.

- Wisdom Quotes (FB) 

The picture says it all.

It's been few weeks since well, both of us became some sort of an item. Not officially though, just that we know where our hearts are now :) He's such a sweet guy, and I love every bit of it. Some nights, we would just go on Skype, talk and talk and talk. Much later, he'll start his way of saying 'I love you'. He'll stare at the screen (me, of course) and my face will blush really bad ! Worst than an apple I tell you ! Oh yeah, did I mention earlier that he saw my face changed colour? Embarrassing please -.-'

 Behind all those crazy acts, he's pretty much a romantic guy. I ain't lying honey, he is one hell of a sweet talker. Haha. But I have to give him credit, he's stealing my heart away and he's planning to replace it with his. Alaaa, why lah you so sweet ? It's killing me. I'm falling for you, deeper. For that, I'm afraid.

Yes, I'm afraid. Why? I've been hurt, rejected, left behind. What? That's normal? Yeah, for you. Not for me. Enough is enough for me. I know, I have to admit... He's my dream coming true. Well, I did like him in the first place, kan? Err. Okay, I did. Yelahh, I mengaku laa. Tapi tulah, the fear is too overwhelming lah. Sumpah rasa takut ni lebih dari rasa sayang, terukkan ? I can't help it. I'm learning how to love him, I really am. He's guiding me well, he's a good tutor. I'm just a bad student who refuses to follow the rules of the game. Sheesh. 

Am I a bad person for letting him love me more than I do him? Erm. Frankly, I like it this way. So, that I would hurt less when he leaves me one day. But... I don't know. I wanna learn how to love him right. I just do. Don't ask me why, he might just be the one I've been waiting for.